Post by gaz01 on Jan 12, 2024 12:54:23 GMT
Just looking at this, I agree some of the text didn't read as good, although you have tidied it somewhat. I don't know whats happened since the original text was submitted to change it but the short sentences makes it read stilted. For example the middle section could be expanded into one sentence - After sinking several vessels in the Mediterranean, Truant was then sent to the far east, where she sank multiple-(Instead of using several twice)-auxiliaries.
We had discussions along these lines a bit back on other units and I don't think its as big of an issue on digital only cards but to me the style looks a bit different to generally whats gone before in other decks. Shorter sentences/statements/bullet points instead of a general rounded bio paragraph.
We had discussions along these lines a bit back on other units and I don't think its as big of an issue on digital only cards but to me the style looks a bit different to generally whats gone before in other decks. Shorter sentences/statements/bullet points instead of a general rounded bio paragraph.
